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Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Techno: The New Crave


 Reprinted, with or without permission, from Issue II of the News of the Roundtable: Print Edition (March 27, 2009).


Is it ecstacy or music? What makes it so addictive?


Techno is a form of electronic dance that originated in Detroit during the 1980s. It has developed into one of the most widely renowned dance music throughout the world. Techno is like a school bus driver - it's odd on the outside but crazy in the inside. When played at a party, techno puts peoples' minds in a complete and utter trance unsurpassed any other time in their lives. The mental power of techno is so strong that there have been rumors that some Charedim were dancing the hora to 'Dota,' by Basshunter, in Washington Heights. There have been many claims that the “land of milk and honey” (Israel) is a euphemism for “the land of techno and Arash”. Israel is known for its love of techno and has attracted many Techno artists, including the infamous DJ Tiesto. Beside for the Middle East Techno stars have also risen in places like Sweden where Basshunter, who enjoys the company of a very beautiful and talented Persian girlfriend, has become very famous. There have been recent studies that Techno can be used to cure malaria and syphilis. The up-tempo and addictive qualities of techno have been proven to retrace time and undo these deadly infectious diseases. Techno is an art; it's a beauty umatched by any hot girl anywhere, it's the Bar Rafaeli of music, and the Kobe Bryant. In the end it is obvious that Techno is the best genre of music and Arash is the best musician of our time. In addition we should all thank G-d for the opportunity to indulge in the addictivness of Arash and Techno.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Thursday Night Jew-Down! (Because Friday night’s already taken)

Reprinted from Issue II of NotR: Print Edition (March 29, 2009)
An impartial analysis of the relative Jewish values being promoted in popular culture:

Musical Parodies
  • Werewolf Bar-Mitzvah – promotes torah study as well as regular shul attendance. Also expounds on proper bar mitzvah reception etiquette. Additionally all werewolf activities described are Shabbos appropriate and do not violate any of the 39 melachos. Grade: B+
  • J*** in my Pants – If you’re J-ing in your P, then your not sticking your P in
    a V. Getting off from a breeze isn’t against the torah is it? Abstinence: God’s cruel joke on teenagers. Grade: A-
  • On a Boat – Conspicuous consumption: the 11th commandment. Wear that
    Madoff backpack proudly. It’s the classy thing to do. Grade: C-
  • D*** in a Box – Jews love presents. Jews love saving money. Dick in a Box is more than an entertaining 4 minute musical masterpiece, it is a revolution. Hannukah? D*** in a Box. Afikoman? D*** in a Box. Mishloach Manot? D***
    in a Box. Justin Timberlake’s greatest service to mankind since the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show earns this week’s award as winner of the Thursday Night Jew-Down! Grade: A+