Nobody Expects Josh P――― Day!

Editor's Note: Posted an hour before Friday officially starts. I'm going to get to bed early. Also, be sure to check out the prototype Arash: Flying Bicycle game, below.

Nobody expects Josh P――― Day!

(Its chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... Amongst its weaponry are such diverse elements as surprise, fear, nice red uniforms, and lack of fanatical devotion to the Pope... heh - that's a Monty Python reference, folks. Did I really need to tell you?)

Although his last name may have been censored to avoid cyberbullying, Fiends of the Roundtable surely know of this man's heroic quest to enter the greatest (or so he thinks) college in the history of this universe. (Although I'm told that the RCC two universes over might give it a run for its money.) I am speaking, of course, of the great and grand, awesome and amazing, cool and classy, blessed and bloated Cornell University.

Mr. P――― had always dreamed of going to Cornell University. He yearned to go to Cornell University. He dreamed of yearning to go to Cornell University.


And on December 11, 2008, exactly one year ago from today, Mr. P――― was admitted to that amazing school whose name I shall not repeat because I would have to put it in extra large letters and that would cause formatting problems.

But anyway. One year ago was the first ever Josh P――― Day. Today is the second one. Don't you feel special living through such a momentous occasion?

Some naysayers might claim that Josh P――― Day is unclassy, and should not be included on this most classy of blogs/online versions of fake newspapers. They are wrong. First of all, Cornell University is so special and classy that it automatically comes out in big letters. Fairless Dickinson University doesn't. Columbia University certainly doesn't. Only Cornell University is classy enough for that. The font size proves it. (Don't even get me started on John's 'Hopkin' Univeristy...)

Second, just think about Mr. P―――. Pretty classy guy, eh? Sure, he didn't write for the News of the Roundtable, but then again, neither did Archibald MacLeish. (Perhaps for completely different reasons, but, hey...)

Third, well, there is a third reason, but I'm not sure what.

Happy Josh P――― Day!

BREAKING NEWS: Due to "Fancy Friday" this week's issue of NOTR has been canceled

Editor's note: No, you didn't miss anything. Today is, unfortunately, not Fancy Friday. Instead, we are taking advantage of this Roundtable Friday to re-start our endeavor to digitalize all of the print edition of the News of the Roundtable. And we started with this article (which was the entirity of NOTR print Issue III, published on Fancy Friday, April 23, 2009) because we remembered just how much everyone loved it, and just how much hard effort Mr. J        T      (now of John's 'Hopkin' University) put into this remarkably well written article.

 

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