This is getting annoying

Does anyone actually read this? 'Cause all I know is that I (and perhaps once a month Shatzmaster3000 and perhaps once every 3 months WickedJumbo) am pretty much the only one posting here. It's getting annoying. I don't mind being a big part of this, if no one else wants the responsibility, but I do mind being the only one who's ever writing stuff here.

So here's the deal:

1. I continue programing the Arash game, because I'm cool like that. (I know, it doesn't work for some of you, and some of you don't see the bicycle. I'm working on it...)
2. I stop writing articles here.
3. People post articles (if they're already contributors to the blog. If they aren't contributors, they can send an email to askthetuber@gmail.com ; we will arrange it so that any articles contained in that email are published, and, if you want, the sender of the email will be added as a contributor).
4. For every article someone else posts, I'll post an article of my own.

There. That's a pretty good deal. I'm still doing more than half the work...
But until someone else posts/sends something, I'm on strike.

If you don't really care about the News of the Roundtable, we can end it here. But if you do care, it's time to work a little for it.

Happy Roundtable Friday. Make it a good one.

Arash: Flying Bicycle: Update!

Editor's note: The programmer was feeling lazy. Maybe the game will be up later...

I'm pleased to announce that our featured game, Arash: Flying Bicycle, is actively in development. Version 1.0, codenamed "Flying Circus," is scheduled to be released sometime in the upcoming Roundtable Friday.

You heard right, folks. The first version of Arash: Flying Bicycle is expected to be up and running before the Sabbath begins and Roundtable Friday ends.

I think it's time to throw in a screenshot. But I'm too lazy, so I'll just give you the photoshoped promo instead.

Version 1.0 is only a drop in the bucket compared to what I'm planning for Arash: Flying Bicycle, but it's complex enough to be a standalone game. Here's what I'm planning:

Arash: Flying Bicycle is written in Java because that's the only real programming language I know at the moment. Also, Java is useful because it won't only run on Windows, but also on Linux, FreeBSD, Solaris, OS/2, BeOS Haiku, Mac OS X and whatever other nutty operating systems you can dig up. (Editor's note: Java does work on OS X. The author just felt like crossing it out anyway. I'm sure you can understand...)

Version 1.0 will be similar to that stupid little game which I don't exactly remember how to describe. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it. The object of the game is for the player, controlling Arash and his magical flying bicycle, to catch up to a car, which contains hot girls.

Version 1.5, codenamed "Flying Castle (Oh, wait, that was actually called Moving Castle, too bad),"  will be a minor upgrade of 1.0. Pretty much, a few better graphics.

The fun really starts with version 2.0, "Bycicle Built for (Version) Two," which will not only contain the "classic" Arash adventure from version 1.0, but also an all new campaign mode! Yes, we're going all out with a fully fledged fight for freedom and Fridays.

But surely, you ask, what could Arash do besides chase after girls? Well, save the world, for one thing. Besides, this isn't just a game for Arash, but for the entire News of the Roundtable. Fiends who are easily disturbed by such plot elements as 'Stairway to Heaven,' 'TI-89 Titanium with Laser Beams,' 'The Destruction of New Jersey,' 'being on a boat,' and 'President of the ICC' are advised not to play the campaign mode, because all of these options are expected to be included.

Versions 2.1 through 2.20 will be releases of new levels for the campaign mode. The working titles (which basically mean that I know what I'm talking about, and you don't) for all 21 levels are as follows:

1. Introducing a Very Handsome Man
2. Flying Bycicle
3. Man in the High Castle (Includes bonus cutscene: Anathem)
   
4. East of Eden
5. Many Waters
6. On a Boat (Includes bonus cutscene: Overclassing)
7. Storm of Swords
8. Caves of Steel
9. Paths of the Dead (Includes bonus cutscene: Fountains of Paradise)
10. Path of Heaven
11. Stairway to Heaven
12. Fires of Heaven (Includes bonus cutscene: Boom!)
13. Pebble in the Sky
14. Currents of Space
15. The Stars, like Dust (Includes bonus cutscene: Starship Titanic)
16. Leviathan
17. Iron Sunrise
18. The Naked Sun (Includes bonus cutscene: Chain Rule)
19. Return of the King
20. The Last Battle
21. Bonus Level (Includes bonus cutscene: Bonus Cutscene)

(Note: Most of those titles were references to books. Do not be alarmed! Few if any of those references will actually be used in the game.)

Yeah. Then we've got version 3.0, codenamed "Flying Fish," which will include our genius new multiplayer game, Superior Smashing Brethren (which is most certainly not a blatant ripoff of Super Smash Brothers. Oh, no.). All Fiends of the Roundtable are invited, nay, encouraged, to send a profile of themselves in to askthetuber@gmail.com for inclusion in this excitingly Superior Smashing madness! And probably to the campaign as well. (Note: please base your profile on how Super Smash bros. actually works. Feel free to submit multiple profiles for yourself, your friends, your worst enemies, &c.)

Then version 4.0 will have, um, what are we missing? Well, version 4.0 will be codenamed "Flying Friday," and will include anything that's missing, plus fixes to anything that needs fixing and upgrades to anything that needs upgrading. Version 4.0 will be the last version in the foreseeable future.

Yeah, I'm tired and lazy (Slapsgiving really wore me out!). Have a good Friday, keep it classy, and check back soon for Arash: Flying Bicycle: Version 1.0 (Flying Circus).

Ask The Tuber: Grammar Games!

The Frisch Tuber has received an email!

"CENSORED CENSORED or CENSORED? i hope youre spending your time writing this during class rather than going out/partying/girls. anyways u provide me with entertainment during my boredome so keep it up"

Well, whoever you are, we're glad to oblige. But because you didn't exactly ask me, the Tuber, a question, I'll just analyze all of your bad grammar instead.

Of course, analyzing grammar is remarkably unclassy. But it's even less classy to actually use bad grammar... you should be ashamed of yourself.

1. Always start sentences with a capital letter. Particularly when that letter is the word 'I.'
2. Is 'girls' a verb? But 'go out' and 'party' are. Perhaps we should create a new word. Girling. (It's like the sport of Curling except without the Canadianness).
3. 'u' is actually spelled 'you.' Shocking, is it not?
4. Is a 'boredome' a secret lair for bored people? Can I get one?
5. End sentences with periods. Otherwise... well, periods are important, for some reason.

I'm sorry we had to go through that. Don't make me do it again,

Keep it classy,

The Tuber

Send your questions to the Tuber at askthetuber@gmail.com .

Roundtable Friday: Reloaded

In my full official capacity of random nutty guy who

1. posts stuff on this blog
2. is taking a very intense math class, and
3. rambles on whenever he gives himself this kind of writing assignment,
   

I would like to welcome you, one and all, to Roundtable Friday: Reloaded. Unlike certain other 'reloaded' pieces of culture (i.e. The Matrix: Reloaded, The Teletubbies: Reloaded, and The Projectile Weapon That Might Hurt You or One of your Friends, Family Members, or Other Associates: Reloaded), I am confident, nay, sure, that Roundtable Friday: Reloaded will be unto the original (and now unfortunately past) Roundtable Friday as a very tasty dessert is to a very tasty meal.

For those of you who don't do well with analogies, I meant that I am sure Roundtable Friday: Reloaded is going to awesome in general, and Very Classy in particular.

So. Enough with the introductions. Here's what we're going to do:

• Digitalize and upload all of the paper editions of the News of the Roundtable - some of these have already been posted (look doooowwwnnn...)
• Add informative and interesting new articles, of great importance to all of you. For example, did you know that Pterodacyls have been recently sighted in Arizona? Or how about that certain Universities are offering classes in unclassiness? Or how about the Large Classiness Supercollector and the international controversy it has generated. Soon, you will...
• Reload Ask the Tuber. This has actually already been accomplished. Simply send all of your important questions to askthetuber@gmail.com ... and the Tuber will answer on this very page...
• And plenty more. I'll tell you later. I have classiness to work on.

If you want to help, we will be in contact. Send a message to askthetuber@gmail.com with your credentials and ideas or articles. We'll know what to do with it.

Muhahahahahaha...

With All Due Respect,


"Kevin" Root


P.S.: Why am I calling myself Root? Because I read to much. Now go away - or better, stay here, and help make the World... classy.

Oh, the real reason? I'm not giving away my name on the internet...