Reprinted from Issue II, March 29, 2009. Because of the inherent unclassiness of defining and explaining that which should be intuitive, i.e. the meanings of the above terms, consider the unclassy time spent writing this literature as a sacrifice for the greater classiness of society.
As strictly monitored by the ICC (International Classiness Congress-yes, it exists; no, you are probably not classy enough to join... few are as there are currently less than two members), the term classiness cannot be rigidly defined. Only examples on a one by one basis can be judged as being 'unclassy,' 'moderately classy,' 'classy,' or 'too classy.'
Note: things that are ‘too classy’ are obviously unclassy, but, for the sake of educating the ignorant, two categories were established. Also, ‘slightly classy’ was once a category but after the Summer Picnic Massacre of 1782 (two hundred campers went on a picnic in the Bolivian jungle wearing casual summer clothes and
top hats - they never returned), the ICC decided the category was too risky, and therefore, unclassy. The ICC doesn’t function based on any criteria other than classiness. For example, the deaths of the two hundred campers were irrelevant when compared to the unclassiness of the risk involved to maintain the category.
The ICC’s motto is: “Classiness should not mean, but be.” -Archibald MacLeish, former member (1900-1982). May his classiness serve as a beacon during these most unclassy of times.
Necessary Responses to:
- Unclassy Behavior: Ignore and look upon condescendingly.
- Moderately Classy Behavior: Advise on how to get to the next step.
- Classy Behavior: Respect, absorb and relish, but do not imitate for replication
is not classy. - Too Classy Behavior: Any means that will thwart the efforts of the perpetrator because the only thing worse than being unclassy is being too classy.
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