Mr. West: an Exploration and Invocation

Editor's note: Welcome to the News of the Roundtable: Online Edition's latest contributor, WickedJumbo.

Every 14 year old girl's world was shattered sunday night when Kanye West, (heretofore to be referred to as Mr. West to retain what little semblance of dignity he still has) shocked the world by successfully getting his huge ego up to the stage in time to steal Taylor Swift's thunder, glory, moment, and whatever other superlatives receiving a VMA really deserve.

Now Mr. West, self proclaimed more famous than Jesus, God, Mystery, Matador, Tila Tequila, the Beatles, and even Daisy De la Hoya, is finally worthy of the highest honor one can be offered. An article in this esteemed paper designated solely to him; an honor shared only Arash, Basshunter, and the Senior Medley, so clearly Mr. West, you are in talented musical company.

And now the story of Dr. Kanye West, D.D.S.

Kanye hails from Chicago, in the deep dark midwest, home of Blagojevich, Michael Jordan, and Da Bears. Clearly his brain was affected by all the smog, snow, and subconscious response to being abused as a child by his stuffed rhinoceros because last time i checked, this:

"I'm sooooo sorry to Taylor Swift and her fans and her mom," he wrote. "I spoke to her mother right after and she said the same thing my mother would've said. She is very talented! I like the lyrics about being a cheerleader and she's in the bleachers! I'm in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment!

"Beyoncé's video was the best of this decade!!!! I'm sorry to my fans if I let you guys down!!!! I'm sorry to my friends at MTV. I will apologize to Taylor 2mrw. Welcome to the real world!!!! Everybody wanna booooo me but I'm a fan of real pop culture!!! No disrespect but we watchin' the show at the crib right now cause ... well you know!!!! I'm still happy for Taylor!!!! Boooyaaawwww!!!! You are very very talented!!! I gave my awards to Outkast when they deserved it over me ... That's what it is!!!!!!! I'm not crazy y'all, i'm just real. Sorry for that!!! I really feel bad for Taylor and I'm sincerely sorry!!! Much respect!!!!!"

was not considered rational human thought. However I can't really say I'm surprised by this spat of incoherence coming from the man whose platinum selling songs include lyrics such as

"Don't try to treat me like I ain't famous My apologies, are you into astrology Cause I'm, I'm tryin to make it to Uranus"

Clearly his lyrical genius aside, Kanye's greatest contribution to society must be his sense of style. How much more depressing a society would we live in if no one was walking around in plastic sunshades with bars instead of lenses, or wearing army boots at all times. What would we do if we suddenly needed to kick a Nazi dinosaur's ass on a sunny day without these irreplaceable advancements to the functionality and style of our collective wardrobes?

So thank you Mr. West, for finally taking an MTV program to the next level; the VH1 level. Not just anyone could have done what you did. I applaud your efforts and look forward to many more ridiculous attention-grabbing escapades for years to come, or until your career falls apart in 2 years and you follow the path of MC Hammer into oblivion and bankruptcy, whichever comes first.